Anna and Jody are moving this week-end. It has been on my calendar for weeks because as an able bodied friend it is my duty (and of course great pleasure ; ) to help them pack boxes, life heavy things, stand around staring at the back of a U-haul and debate whether or not the giant futon is going to fit. You know, just generally be part of the trickle of people filing in and out of their house like ants scurrying off with a slice of watermelon one tiny bit at a time. Jody was actually kind enough to break the week-end move into 3 shifts: Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon, and Sunday morning. Each shift came with a list of activities, success criteria if you will, and a reward: morning = bagles, afternoon = beer.
I fully intended to be part of all 3 shifts because I am huge fan of both bagels and beer (though not as a combo) and well because I am their friend and that is what able friends do. Until said friend leaps into shallow water and renders herself unable and relatively useless especially in endeavors that require things like lifting, carrying, and heaving heavy things. To be fair, really even endeavors that require walking and I’m pretty much not your girl. But I wanted to help in some way.
So, I called Anna and said ‘Is there any way, in my current state, that I can be of use in the moving process.’ She called back after consulting with Jody and said ‘yeah you can guard the truck while we’re making trips up and down to his apartment.’ Brilliant, Righty and I can be Security. We’ll guard the bounty, scaring off any would be thieves and meter maids with our very imposing and terrifying presence. Yay, we can be useful.
Well it turns out that the apartment complex has a cargo bay, so no threat of tickets. And it turns out that Jody and Anna have a lot of friends who also like bagels and beer, so the truck was really never unattended. And it seems that Anna is extraordinarily kind to me and brought out a chair and elevation prop for Righty and me, which was very nice but really chipped away at the appearance of any sort of toughness. There was one time, about 3 min in duration where I was left down there all by myself. And as I sat in my chair looking very unimposing and unsecurity guard like with Righty propped up on an old cabinet and my crutch by my side, I thought about what would happen if someone really came through and wanted to run off with some of their loot, perhaps with something like Jody’s box of wigs and beads (carefully labeled as such with post-it notes). Before I could finalize my stealthy plan of attack they all returned.
However, the day ended with absolutely no attempted looting. Coincidence, I think not.
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